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Thursday, December 1, 2011

Dating...dating?

I've been contemplating writing this particular blog because the subject matter is for me...perplexing. My husband moved out almost two weeks ago, but for all intensive purposes, I've been single now for nearly 6 months. He was very clear when he told me those many months ago that if someone asks me out, I should go. Now I don't know about you, but the thought of going out with someone while going home to the very house my husband was still residing in was...weird. So there was definitely no dating for me. But about three weeks ago, a young man, and yes I mean literally a young man, he's 30, starting paying attention. We had been friends for about 5 or 6 years and most of the time our connection was held through text. He plays guitar in a band and when there was a show in town, I was on his lists of invites. I always wanted to go, but the husband was never interested and the thought of showing up alone was less than appealing, so I never got to see him play. So when I received the text from him stating it was the bands last show, I responded with both surprise and sadness. It was quickly fleeting though when he explained that he and some other members had formed a new band and would be performing again. One thing lead to another and I revealed to him the state of my current being. He was shocked. One thing evolved into another and before you knew it, or rather I knew it, he was flirting and I found myself flirting right back. I won't lie, it felt good to have a very cute, guitar playing band member be so aggressive about going out. The next few days was hours and hours of texting about ourselves, our family, our aspirations and everything else going on in our lives. The day of my mom's surgery we had text and then spoken briefly on the phone. He had said he'd get in touch in a few days but when a few days went by and no contact happened, I was at the very least confused and a little worried about him. He had come on so strong and then...silence. I decided to text hello and I found it met with a frenzied response that the band was going back into the studio and rehearsal and things were crazy. He then text again saying they were so busy but he did want to get together when there was time. Then a few days later, I did something I have never done in my life. I asked him if he wanted to hang out for a bit. Now to you this might not sound like a big deal, but for me it was completely different from everything I had been taught to do. Remember, my generation is that of the guy asks you out, never do you take the lead, especailly in an old fashioned Italian family. But I realized that some things are definitely different and he was of a different time than me, so I mustered up the courage. He was very receptive and we were going to meet a bit during their lunch break the next day, which was also the day before Thanksgiving.
Wednesday morning he text and said that the drummer was going out of town for the holiday and they decided to practice through lunch. He apologized and told me we'd have a rain check. Now I probably should have just casually said okay and kept it at that, but...I didn't. I had two weeks of the mixed emtions that plagued me from my husband moving out, my changing life and my my mom's surgery. I was snippy and he apologized again and we left it at that. Over the next few days I tried to undo what I had already done but he would not respond. I started to feel a bit like a stalker and decided it was time to give up. I deleted him from FB, took his # out of my phone and deleted all old messages. I know it was wrong of me to react the way I did, but I feel a man who was a bit more seasoned would have understood the emotions that were wreaking havoc on me that week. Maybe a man, not a boy, would have known how to deal with it period. But to just drop off the planet and completely ignore me, felt to me to be a harsh punishment for such a small mistake. I'm not sure if was truly his age, he's a band member or just him. I am perplexed about what I did or did not do and wonder if I will ever really get the knack of dating again. Hell...I never even made it to the first date. How could someone be so relentless and then just like a switch turn it off? If this is what it's going to be like...I think I'll just aquire some cats, throw a kerchief on my head and accept my fate now. Because the not knowing is far worse than if no contact was ever made...

3 comments:

  1. I sure hope you're not going to give up after one try. I don't think a young band member, who is probably used to easy one night stands, is a very good gauge of what may be available to you in the dating world. Good luck and thank you for sharing. PS – is your husband blind?

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  2. My dear friend ... time is the answer here and not an immature want to be band member. I agree with Thomas! Love ya dear friend and I am here if you want to text or anything!

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  3. You know Vicki, this is a kind of time when you seek to open up your thoughts before someone. It need not always be a date, but a reflection of your thoughts. I feel time will connect you to the person who you would like to share your feelings. Pain always needs an outlet, to suppress it more will only aggravate the misery, but be very careful where you express it, one ends up getting more vulnerable and before you know it you are in a larger mess. Let time take its course. Things will settle down. have faith :)
    Feel free to connect if you would like to say something on this.
    Take care and God bless.

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