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Monday, October 24, 2011

Golden no more...

A few days ago there was a story on MSN about a couple who had been married for 72 years and died together. They had been in a car accident and when in intensive care in the hospital, held hands and passed away. I always thought that this would be who we were as a couple. I used to say to my husband, let's make a pact that when we're both in our 90's and have lived a full life we will hold hands, fall asleep and then leave...together. Over the years it had become our way of dealing with growing old together and adding to the bond that was already there. As I read the story, I found myself mourning once again for the scenario that will never be. I used to think it somewhat special that we could possibly celebrate our 75th anniversary together. Being five years apart and marrying at such a young age, it wasn't without reason. It's a romantic notion I know, but one I could seek solace in. The mere thought that you could spend most of your time on this earth with the one person you truly love was not only comforting but a gift. So many people come and go in our lives, to have that constant would be the rock from which all else was built upon. But that life is not to be. Not to say that I will never find love again, I hope that one day I might. But it is the realization that the romantic notion of an eighteen year old girl, was just that...a romantic notion. It is the last bit of my girlish dreams that believed there could be a love greater than no other and no one could ever take it away, not even death. That a man could be so much a part of your soul that you could become as one whole to two separate parts and he would be there for you and you him throughout all adversities. They say the heart wants what the heart wants and if that's true, than it is also equally determined when it no longer yearns. And that is a lesson that has come much further in my life than I would have liked. I have had many years of feeling loved and completely treasured, but the pain of the after glow of what has happened to my husband is so great, I dare say I would trade them to erase them. This week a part of me was lost forever, the young girl inside has had a cold dose of life and to be quite honest, one lesson I would of rather have avoided.

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