So yesterday I was cowering yet again from my father who proceeded to go off like a monster. I felt like I was 10 years old as I sat next to my brother and sister. When will the madness ever end? It has been 2 years since this has happened and now after revisiting it I don't wanna see him ever again.
So this is how the madness started. My step mom asked me to bring steak out to my dad. (He was on the porch with the grill.) I brought the steaks out and he asks, "What am I supposed to frigging do with this? Go take it back inside." Okayyy.... So I take it back inside, I tell my step mom what he said and bam argument! He drops the steaks on the floor, goes outside, and my step mom follows. After a heated argument of him throwing beer on her and acting crazy he starts yelling at me telling me it's my fault! (Just to fill in the blanks, my step mom is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic and my dad isn't supposed to be drinking either.) Okay back up Mr. Physco!
So after the dust settles and my sister is shaking like a leaf in tears and I'm acting like a ten year old with her; he try's to justify all that craziness. He sets everything out for dinner and we start eating. At this point I'm sick to my stomach and just trying to look okay. I said to my sister, "I'm glad Mike (my boyfriend and father to our son) wasn't here". He decides he has to butt in and he says, "Mike would have walked out the door!" I should have stopped there but I say, no. Then I proceed to say he would of kicked your ass. That pissed him off more and after screaming in my face a lot more he leaves with my sister and brother to take them home. Mike got my friend to pick me up because I was in tears and was afraid he would come back and hurt me. I lost all respect I had for him and he lost the rights to see me or my family for a long time.
I'm going to have to see him soon which I'm not looking forward to. Thanksgiving I promised to go see my nana and bring Travis my son, but I know that my dad will be there. After all that has happened I really don't know if Mike will let it go. I really can't blame him for wanting to kick my dads ass. I'm very skittish now and I don't like feeling that way. I thought I got over my fears but apparently I haven't and I probably never will. I was told by some one that I can control my fear and choose not to be afraid but truth is, I can't. I have and always will have a strong fear of my dad and that will never change. At least while Mikes not around...
So this is how the madness started. My step mom asked me to bring steak out to my dad. (He was on the porch with the grill.) I brought the steaks out and he asks, "What am I supposed to frigging do with this? Go take it back inside." Okayyy.... So I take it back inside, I tell my step mom what he said and bam argument! He drops the steaks on the floor, goes outside, and my step mom follows. After a heated argument of him throwing beer on her and acting crazy he starts yelling at me telling me it's my fault! (Just to fill in the blanks, my step mom is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic and my dad isn't supposed to be drinking either.) Okay back up Mr. Physco!
So after the dust settles and my sister is shaking like a leaf in tears and I'm acting like a ten year old with her; he try's to justify all that craziness. He sets everything out for dinner and we start eating. At this point I'm sick to my stomach and just trying to look okay. I said to my sister, "I'm glad Mike (my boyfriend and father to our son) wasn't here". He decides he has to butt in and he says, "Mike would have walked out the door!" I should have stopped there but I say, no. Then I proceed to say he would of kicked your ass. That pissed him off more and after screaming in my face a lot more he leaves with my sister and brother to take them home. Mike got my friend to pick me up because I was in tears and was afraid he would come back and hurt me. I lost all respect I had for him and he lost the rights to see me or my family for a long time.
I'm going to have to see him soon which I'm not looking forward to. Thanksgiving I promised to go see my nana and bring Travis my son, but I know that my dad will be there. After all that has happened I really don't know if Mike will let it go. I really can't blame him for wanting to kick my dads ass. I'm very skittish now and I don't like feeling that way. I thought I got over my fears but apparently I haven't and I probably never will. I was told by some one that I can control my fear and choose not to be afraid but truth is, I can't. I have and always will have a strong fear of my dad and that will never change. At least while Mikes not around...
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