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Sunday, May 1, 2011

Alone in the Crowd

I realize that as life goes on and the years past, the once young passion and feeling that every breath we take is for the one you love, gives way to the grind of day to day living. You start out just the two of you, lying in bed at night endlessly planning your future. How many kids will you have? What will they look like? Will we be able to buy a house? And when those things begin to become reality, we become wrapped up in our ever expanding family and the daily race to get ahead. Working our long days and coming home to dinner, laundry, homework, mowing the lawn, cleaning the house and the endless requests for money from cable, gas, electric, phone and a mortgage, to name a few. Through all this however, somehow we still manage to steal away a few moments of time to hold hands and embrace each other. Maybe it's not for the long periods of time that we enjoyed in the beginning of our journey, but we make it quality. Clinging to each other with the "us against the world" attitude, somehow makes everything bearable. Knowing that the years passing are spent with someone who is always on your side and holds you up when all you want to do is crawl under the covers, is enough to keep you leaping out of bed when the alarm goes off each morning. But what happens when the one person you count on to be by your side, suddenly leaves you feeling alone in the crowd. There is no more cheering you up on a bad day, warm embraces or a caressing touch to your hand. The hugs that you had grown to expect, no longer exist and the passionate kisses have given way to a quick peck here and there. When the one person who could make you feel beautiful, now barely notices your in the room. How do you cope, when the world that was once safe and sure, now spins off its axis? You find yourself trying to remember the last time he grabbed you and just enveloped you in his arms. As time goes on, you forget what it used to feel like. You start to replace reality with day dream. You spend your nights thinking about a time when you were the most important person in his life and how he couldn't wait to get to you every night when he came home. And then you start to feel sad and mourn the life you once had together. But with all mourning, there comes a time when you can no longer dwell on the past and the pain. You start to rethink your life and you realize that maybe it won't be what you had originally thought your forever would be. But it's okay because you are still you. And no matter what lies ahead, you will be okay. Because you are a beautiful, talented, clever person who is surrounded by people who love you. People who will always cheer in your corner, love you no matter what and be by your side. And although it's not the same, it's okay. Because love can be found again and the world is waiting...    


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